Goodbye and Hello

I've been spending a lot of time making lists and bubbles about business stuffs for the new year.

I'm hoping to grow into myself come 2011.  Now, don't get me wrong, I'm pretty much set in who I am as a person, but there are some things with which I struggle internally. (Roles within the home for instance... Full time work, part time stay at home wife? Ugh. Part time work, full time home keeper? More ugh. Business woman who doesn't leave the home office for anything except more caffeine? More ugh but more appealing than stay at home person. See, I have a lot to define and work through.)

So I've been making lists of things that are important to me as a person.
balance
yoga
authenticity
veganism
being genuine in my actions
creative endeavors
risk taking

So these things are important for my growth as a human. As a young woman with a penchant for delicious food and gentle exercise, loves the beach and the forests equally, dreams of a ranch with sheep and goats and fresh vegetables warm in the sun... As a personally successful woman. Someone who does not define success by another's definition.

And then I've been working on my business... A business I want to not only survive, but thrive.

And things I (personally) love to work on within my business.
design
customer interaction
dyeing
color theory
mixing teas
photography

Some things I don't love doing with this business.
packaging
packaging
packaging
emails
researching wholesalers and advertising opportunities
... BLOGGING.

There you have it. At the very bottom of the do not like list.

See, my favorite blogs are wordy. They're soulful. They're full of deep, genuine, authentic people. They touch on emotional turmoil without focusing on it, they reach out to those around them with loving arms, open hearts, cocoon like dreams.

Unfortunately, I'm not one of those brave souls who are comfortable sharing such intimate parts of themselves with the world of the interweb.  Even as I write this post I am struggling with clicking the Publish Post button. (Is it too wordy? I didn't add a photo. This post really should come after a Christmas gratitude post, I didn't blog about the deliciousness that was my holiday. I didn't even bring my camera to capture those moments to share. I have some projects I could share, maybe that should come first. I have a new year's resolution post to work on, too. This post isn't important, it's not inspiring, nor fluffy, nor typical, you should delete it. People want to read uplifting things.)

These are the things I'm struggling with. I find that there isn't very much of myself in these posts and that directly conflicts with the personal success list from above. I worry too much about my readers (that's you lovely people) and not about what I want to write about, spill, share.

So I'm saying goodbye to blogging for a little while.

I'll miss it, I'm sure. I've had some sort of bloggy outlet for the past ten years... That's a long time. But I feel so much more refreshed when I marinate in my real life journal, when there is pen and paper and creativity involved. Where there is ME on the pages, instead of other people I find interesting, pretty, or inspiring.

I'm thinking of taking up photo blogging instead. Photos that I can then print out and tape into my journal. Photos that I can then print into a book and add to my two huge boxes of the chronicles of my life. If I get into it, I'll share a link with you where you can follow me.

So goodbye blogging, hello new adventures of self.